I met my younger self for coffee.
She was an hour early.
I rocked in 30 minutes later—still early—
Came in gushing like the wind,
Like an unprepared speech.
As I stood at the door, searching for where she sat,
She was in a hoodie, face hidden beneath the shade.
A part of me felt for her—
Clutching her pants
Like I used to clutch my pearls.
I sat down.
We made contact.
Her eyes shied away.
She whispered,
“Don’t look at me.”
I would have asked,
But knowing her history,
I already knew the answer.
She ordered an appetizer,
And I, a double espresso.
She said,
“I hate coffee.”
I smiled and said,
“I know. I was you once.”
It was like looking into a rearview mirror—
Realizing she never moved from where I left her.
She said,
“I can’t wait to grow up and be just like you…”
I told her,
“Hush. Bite your tongue,
For you know not what you speak.”
I warned her adulthood isn’t all it’s made to be.
She said,
“Maybe not… but you look perfect to me.”
I said,
“You’re still ridiculously beautiful… but naive.”
She said,
“You think I’m beautiful?”
Hiding her smile,
Covering her face.
I told her,
“Sit up straight.
Remove that hand.
There’s no need to be ashamed.”
She said,
“I’m just shy.”
I replied,
“You shouldn’t be.”
Realizing how insecure she still was—
Broke me.
I didn’t understand
How we never knew
The beauty we carried—
Inside and out.
Hush the external noise.
Don’t let it be your mirror.
Everyone’s entitled to their opinion,
But that doesn’t make it truth.
Still, I understand—
We were naive,
Gullible.
I grabbed her hand,
Hogging it like a blanket,
And said,
“You’re imperfectly perfect.
Know yourself so well
That you know how to define yourself.
If not—
The world will.”
I said,
“I was once you—
Thinking those exact thoughts,
Dreaming those exact dreams.
Had I known better,
Instead of living in the past
And obsessing over the future,
I would’ve embraced the now—
Embraced my childhood,
Lived it,
Enjoyed it.
I aimed for the moon,
But got lost in the stars.
Never saw a shooting star,
So I made my wishes
Heard by every passing car.
Acted on a whim.
Impulsive.
People-pleasing.
And my inability to say ‘no’
Left me indecisive.
I spent too much time
Chasing outside validation—
Letting people and things
Define me.”
---